Modern dating is not for the faint of heart. There is no Emily Post Book of Etiquette for our era. It's butterflies-in your stomach at best, nerve-wracking for the most part, and gut-wrenchingly scary and/or horrifying at it's worst. Take today for example. A seemingly very eligible and successful single divorced father of two texted me at 5am. I was not put off by the early hour as I was awake and getting ready for work. His profile amongst other things detailed that he was the founder and CEO of some reputable tech companies. Having done my own due diligence he seemed safe and like a possible good catch. And he was my age and handsome. At worst, someone to have coffee and conversation with for twenty minutes. The texting and banter was nice and harmless at first and flowed easily. Innocuously flirtatious. But fairly quickly, my 'suitor' upped the ante. He asked for a few more pictures, and said he wanted to meet. I obliged and sent him some pics from a recent family wedding. He then said that I was pretty and had a beautiful smile, but he couldn't see my figure or my hip bones. He then asked me to send him something 'hot'. Next he sent some pics of himself driving a boat with a collared shirt. Then a shirtless pic of himself from the gym. Then came the doozy.... The unsolicited coups de grace photo that trumped the two prior unsolicited pics from him.... a torso shot showing his naked body while lying in bed. Did these pictures have their intended effect? No. I wasn't shocked. I wasn't titalated or turned on. I wasn't tempted to go on a date with this guy at all. Admittedly the guy had a great body and impeccable resume and education. On paper he seemed like a great catch. But his pics and requests for pics from me offended me and caused me to feel nothing more that disappointment. I went radio silent at that moment and went off to work and focused on my day. But later that afternoon during a break, I decided to let this CEO 'Leader' know how he'd made me feel. So I sent him this text: 'Chris- I just wanted to let you know how disappointing and tone deaf your 'dating' advances were this morning after we briefly 'matched' on <dating site redacted>. Your unsolicited body shots and subsequent / persistent / relentless requests for 'hot' pics from me as a 'prerequisite' prior to meeting for a drink was highly offensive and creepy. Really very tone deaf in today's environment where women are mobbed by 'Anthony Weiners' on a daily basis. Ashley'
I did not expect or hope for a response or apology. But surprisingly one came. This is what he sent: 'Thx for your candor Ashley. I'm sorry if I offended you. Passionate intimacy were severely lacking in my marriage and I vowed to never make that mistake again. Regardless it's clear and it was not well received by you so I apologize. Chris'. End of correspondence. In my humble opinion, Sending or requesting 'hot' pics prior to any face to face meeting establishing any presence or absence of chemistry AND trust is just wrong....not to mention I wasn't into it, and apparently most women feel the same. And why would someone (on top of objectifying me) make himself so vulnerable bu sending nude shots of himself when he runs a tech empire?! Scratching my head on this one. Are many of our men that lacking in impulse control, thus opening themselves up to being completely vulnerable...as did Anthony Weiner...who subsequently lost his career, his marriage, and custody of his young son? This type of behavior is so strange. And it leaves women feeling more than disappointed. It is demeaning, demoralizing, and depressing. At least he had the decency to issue an apology...sincere or not, who will ever know. I did not expect one. I was somewhat surprised he didn't turn it all back on me ...and pull out the low blows like 'stop being so irrational'. So, that was a positive. Attaching link to an interesting article (though a bit dated) on same subject below. Until next time....Ashley
